F*@kin' USF!

My lovely friend, Ev, calls me last night and informs me that USF has ended all of the recognition ceremonies for the students of color. What the hell?! So the Department of Student Activities wants to make everyone feel as if they are "equal," huh?! Apparently, USF has grown more diverse, which in turn, is producing more alumni of color. Makes sense? Sure does to me! Let's see how they feel when alumni of color start pulling our their funds and participation if this decision is irrevocable. Time to start doing some snooping.

Self Realizations

I like participating in interviews. I always learn something new about myself whenever I do one. Last night was the first night that I felt like I solidified my reason for my desire to work with the community. It stems from the fact that I was raised with the idea of having to take care of my younger siblings and basically all of those who are younger than me. This idea has extended throughout my entire life. Another major drive is the fact that i am a woman of color and it took quite some time to find my own voice and become comfortable with my own identity. To realize that my role in society is significant - regardless of my social status, ethnically or financially and being able to do my part in continuing organizations and facets in society that will foster others to find their own voices and solidify their personal identities is a powerful thing. This is my greatest passion.

Down with technology!

I hate this stupid ipod! I spent the majority of my day yesterday freakin' uploading songs onto it amidst a bunch of cleaning I was doing! All that time and come to find that I was uploading songs in a format that was taking up more freakin' memory than needed! This is a prime example of how freakin' technology can complicate your damn life! And now there's this damn limewire hookup that I can't get out of my damn playlist and I can't find the damn source on my freakin' harddrive! MF! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!

Is this how it's supposed to work?

I've always told myself that I would never grow too dependent on people to the point where I cannot do things on my own. When you are on the verge of being able to share your life with someone else, where do you draw the line?

I was dissapointed tonight because he wasn't going to join us for dinner. I hadn't seen him all day and I was kind of looking forward to it. Have I really grown this needy, this dependent? We spent the majority of the day yesterday. He finally let me learn how to drive his car and watched a few movies after we had dinner. Was this not enough time spent for the weekend? Was this not enough time spent for the week? How do I measure enough being enough? So, lf course, this got me thinking. How much of my time do I really want to compromise for him?

There's been so many things I've wanted to get done lately. I finally was able to purge my files today and got rid of a ton of old bills and other old documents that have been lying around for way too long. On top of that, I made a list of a bunch of other tasks I want to accomplish around the house. A few more weekends like this and my room will actually be spotless. Everytime he comes over, I feel like I have to make use of my time by myself so I can get a few things done before he comes over so we can actually hang out. Is this how it's supposed to work? Is this how it's going to be forever?

I've wanted to do a few more things to just help me be a happier and more positive person. For instance, I really want to get in the habit of making time to read more books. I figured this would be a good activity to do together and still be productive individually. So a week or so ago, I suggested that Sunday be a reading day unless other things came up. This idea hasn't really panned out too well. I want to do more walking around our neighborhood, especially when it's nice and sunny. Most of the time I've suggested this, my idea has been knocked down. I don't even mind if we go out in the evening! I feel safe doing so, especially if I have someone else with them. As the sun is staying out longer hours, I want to try to do more things outdoors. So there are many things that I'd like to do and, being the super multitasker that I am, I try to incorporate him so we can share some time. Should I even continue to make any more suggestions like the latter two if I've been knocked down a few times already? Damn...might as well do these things by myself!

So how much should I really involve him in my life? Am I being completely over dramatic about this? I think these are valid questions to ask, especially when one wants to continue moving forward in a committed relationship.

And another thing, why the hell does he feel like he always has to make things better when he really can't?! I realize there are times when I am being completely unreasonable and I accept that. Often times, it's just a way to release my frustration. I also know that the only person that can get me out of that frame of mind is me. I have to logically think my way out of whatever bummer of a situation I find myself. And there is nothing in this world anyone else can do to make me change my state of mind, not even him. We've already had a discussion about this. I told him that there are times that he just needs to let me be. JUST LET ME BE, DAMNIT! Have confidence that I know when I'm being unreasonable - at least most of the time. When I think I'm on the borderline, I'll ask for other people's opinions; and that includes him! This is the way I've always been and will most likely continue to be. I like my internal conflicts just the way they are. I think it's perfectly healthy to self-analyze. There are so many facets to my personality. I like exploring all of them in as a part of the process of building a strong character.

So where does this leave me? I'm still awake and a still a bit fuming and his ass is fuckin' snoring off in LA LA land. Serves him right to be reading this tomorrow instead of talking to me first about it. MF!

PS
No discussions will be had regarding this matter at places of employment. This definitely means YOU!

One for the portfolio

Here's an image of my future house:



We found the house in Baldwin Hills after Joe, Elson and I went to the MLK parade last week. I made Joe take a picture of it when he and Elson stopped to take a view of the city. Here's one of the views of the city from Baldwin Hills.



It's a spanish style home with a large window on the left side of the house, a patio in the front, good sized backyard in the back and sits on a small hill. It's adorable. I love the foliage in the front. I'd put a few more flowers and make the foliage a little more tropical but for the most part, it looks perfect. I think it was two stories. If it has wood floors, it's over. :-)

Tourist-ing

One of my favorite buildings in Los Angeles is the Disney Concert Hall. It's this immense, shiny, wavy building that rises from the skyline as you come up the hill on 1st from Historic Filipinotown. Everything about it is gorgeous! The metal panels are laid on top of each other which allows light to be shot through the bottom of the building and through each panel. Since there is no direct light on the building, in th evenings, it looks like it's glowing. It's definitely one of this century's great works of art with great functionality.

The last time Michael came to visit, I took him over there to check out the sites. Here's one of the pictures we took there.



I absolutely adore this picture. It was up against one of the walls in the Concert Hall's garden and the lighting is beautiful. And, yes, my little brother is also absolutely adorable and comes from great genes, if I do say so myself. :-)

Passion #101

Among the many things I'm interested in, food and spirits is definitely two things that I have quite an affinity for. After a late morning start, I turn on KCRW, as I do every morning, and begin to listen to their weekly cooking show, Good Food. I haven't had the opportunity to listen to this show in the past but, man, did this spark up a tremendous amount of creative energy.

One of the topics that were discussed was the insurgence of food blogs in the online community. I remembered one of my long time friends, Les, who added on a magazine idea to his many lists of lifetime goals just recently. And everything just came together! Blogs are free and he and I, combined, can say so many things about food places and experiences we've had in the past and intend to have in the near future. Why not start one of our own? I'm just waiting for his ass to wake up and answer all my freakin' messages.

Diplomacy

There's been all this drama lately about the Filipino American Library's collection being moved to UCLA, West LA College or remaining with SIPA. I can't believe people with the library are actually scoffing at the fact that the public has been making assumptions about why things are happening. If they had put out information to the public about their potential decisions to begin with, no one would have the need to be making assumptions about anything! I've been on a string of emails about this issue and I finally decided to write one of my own summing up the major problem of the situation. I have to say that I've impressed myself at how much I was very diplomatic in this letter.

As a concerned Filipino American community member of Greater Los Angeles, I feel compelled to write this statement on my personal behalf and in response to the numerous emails that have been written about the Filipino American Library’s future and recent events.

I, too, mourn the loss of another historical monument and valuable resource in Historic Filipinotown. As various community factions have devoted some of their energy in contributing to the revitalization of the area, it is disappointing to know that a major resource will be vacating Historic Filipinotown, an area that comprises one of the largest concentration of Filipino Americans in the City of Los Angeles. This, I think, will be a great setback in the economic and cultural redevelopment of Historic Filipinotown.

Over the past few weeks, many messages have been dispersed asking for further information in the form of a community forum or townhall meeting with the Filipino American Library Board in regards to the fate of the library collection. The public’s attempts to gain more clarification on the issue have been futile as hearsay continues to be spread about the Library Board’s final decision on the collection’s fate.

The public’s concern and ownership of the library is natural considering it is a public institution. These sentiments can be likened to the LA Central Library closing or moving. Information regarding such drastic events would naturally be released to the public in the beginning stages of the plans. This would allow the public the opportunity to contribute their ideas for a solution, as well as gain further understanding of the issues pertaining to the situation. In the FilAm Library’s case, no such information was ever shared with the public except for a select number of people.

A press release or FAQ document of some sort that detailed issues concerning the move and FAHI’s final decision would have sufficed. I do not believe paid subscribers or past financial and collection contributors to the library were informed, at the very least. Why were these steps to inform the public and past contributors not taken?

If there was public notice, I am certain the community would have stepped up our involvement in order to maintain the library in its current location. How could the community know how to address the needs of the library without the direction of the library’s leadership?

In a previous email, Ms. Prosy de la Cruz stated, “some folks might be prematurely concluding, without full investigation of what the facts are.” I completely agree because “folks” were never given the opportunity to find out what the exact facts are. So those who have not been privy to meetings with the FAHI Board are left to continue to speculate until the Board exchanges communication with the public. Why has the FAHI Board not yet taken the opportunity to communicate with the public?

Below are questions that have been asked in previous emails (attached below) or from other concerned community members, which could all be addressed in an FAQ or press release, should the Board choose to do
so.
· What does the move of the FiL Am library to UCLA mean? Is this a permanent move?
· Does it mean the Board members have given up control of its management and that they are now relieved of their responsibility to operate/manage it?
· Who controls the Fil Am library now?
· Does UCLA own the Fil Am collection now & that the Filipino Community no longer has a say in library policies & procedures?
· Wasn’t there anyone among those consulted who made an offer to take over the enterprise? Not even a community campaign to save it?
· The move to the UCLA library may have been the best solution from the Board’s perspective, but it is good to hear various grievances now so we can assess the impact/consequences of the move & address them. Is there still a Fil Am library Board member who cares about this?
· It [Fil Am library] was also a venue for a number of activities among Filipinos that enabled them to share their books or gain information, knowledge & education about our community, country of origin, & culture. In that sense, the FIL AM library will be sorely missed. Is there a way we can still bring together Filipinos for similar events at the UCLA library & feel at home?
· What is the main reason the library is being under-used? Was a community education/marketing campaign created to address this matter?
· What kinds of programs has the library initiated to create more public attendance? How successful were these programs? What could have been improved in the process of initiating these programs?

Best regards,
Gerlie Collado

Thanks goes out to Jonathan for forwarding my statement to the entire Board of Directors for the FilAm Library!

roAR!

For some reason, this year started off with a murmer which eventually grew into a roar. There have been drama here in there about different things. Good or bad, all of them have been great reminders of how it really feels to be alive. There are sayings that urge as to live life like we mean it but sometimes we get lost along the way and wonder why we do the things we do every single day of our lives. As a firm believer that there are always reasons to why things happen, I also believe that everything we experience in our lives is just to help improve us to become the beings that we were designed to be. I have so many things to be thankful. I want to continue to give thanks for the life that I lead, for the activities that I have the privelege of performing. I thank the Most High for all of the talents I have been blessed with.

One last time I mention this...I was standing on the House of Blues stage on Sunday...the very stage Prince, Chaka Khan, Jill Scott, Talib Kweli, Gangstarr and many others have stood! Aw yeah!